Diva Maggie McMiggins


Morning. My day begins and I've got a job to do. My humans count on me for so many things. Sometimes it's tiring living up to their expectations, but I live to make them happy. It's 4:30, I need to get started.

My first task is to make sure that She knows that I love her. To accomplish this I go over to the human bed and poke at her with my nice cold, wet nose. Sometimes, She makes this difficult by hiding under the covers. But I won't be dissuaded. I know that's just a trick she tries to test me.

Ah, She pats my head. That means she knows that I love her. I can take care of my second job: making sure the humans are warm enough. I jump up on the bed and get in between the two of them. They don't realize how difficult it is to keep them both warm. I need to stretch out as long as I can so that I can reach them both.

Now She is getting up to go to the tile room. When it's light out I like to follow her in there. I'm still looking for the secret door I know she must have there. I haven't found it, but I'm sure it exists. But that's for another time. For now, I have to move to the pillow spot to keep it nice and warm until She gets back. It's so comfortable there I fall asleep. I don't want to move, but She is making me. What I do to keep them happy.

It's getting light out now and They are still asleep. Don't they know that there are things to do? Important things! In fact, what's that noise? I need to go and see what it is; it could be important. What if a c*t is coming near? I'll make my most ferocious noises; that will frighten whatever it is away.

Oh, how lucky! My yelling at the street has woken Them up! Great! I'll jump back on the bed and let them tell me how wonderful I am. I love when they scratch my head and rub my tummy. It is almost the best thing in the whole world. I'm so excited I can't control myself, and I sneeze in happiness and sing in joy.

At last, They're up. Now the important part of the day can begin. I lay and watch to see what They will do. He goes to the far room where he sits all day and touches the box on his desk. Sometimes He also talks into the thing in his hand. I don't understand what he is doing, but he must like it 'cause he does it a lot.

I'll go with Her though. She goes into the food room. I need to watch to make sure that she doesn't forget that I'm here. I'm hungry! She gets things out of the big white box with cold air in it. Oh! She has ham! I love ham! Is that for me? I hope, I hope, I hope! It is!!!! Joy! But wait… what's this? She's put one of those small white yucky tasting things in the ham. Does She think I'm stupid? I manage to eat all the ham and spit the yucky thing on the floor. Unfortunately, she notices and shoves it into my mouth in a place where I have to swallow it. I bet she wouldn't like it if I did that to Her!

Ham is gone. I'd better go out and patrol. I sit first and look up at the sky and trees. I can't believe it! A tree-sheep has the nerve to come on my trees! It must be stopped! I run as fast as I can and leap up in the air yelling as loud as can be. "Get down! Get down! You don't belong here!!!" It just sits up there and laughs at me. I'll sit here and stare at it forever if that's what it takes to make it go away.

Finally, it's gone. But there are more things happening. The man who puts paper things in the big box by the gate is here. He's afraid of me, I can tell. I run and yell really loudly at him and he scampers away. I am the winner once again.

Different people come on different days. Some of them I like and I sing happily for them. Some of them I really don't like at all. The worst are the ones who come with the noise machines. She makes me stay in the house when they are here. Doesn't She see how dangerous they are? Their machines make noise and smell and blow the leaves in the air. Why can't they just leave everything alone. I don't like it when they are here.

Finally, it is quiet. It is time for a nap. I go to lay in a nice spot of sun where I will sleep and dream of all the wonderful things I have done today and all the wonderful things left to be done tomorrow.

© 2001 Randy Lofficier.